Confusing.

 

   I'm just frankly confused about myself.

   I mean I used to have pretend cookouts for my dolls and Teddy's and it was a easy thing to do but it's not anymore.

I had to feel around to get everything together.

I had to guess if that pretend light was on or not.

Mostly I wanted to get a picture of my cookouts for a friend but.... I'm in the dark mostly.

Mostly........... but less so than one would think because I know more or less where I put everything last time and my Teddy lives in my bed and the doll, Sadie Grace she was with some doll friends in the corner where I put her last.

I'm having a more difficult time than people think.

They think I'm really adjusted but what's adjusted????

I don't like not being able to see. 

I manage okay.

There is one thing that no longer bothers me, I do indeed have a braille Bible and I can easily read it whenever I want.

I used to be confused as to why I couldn't see my Bible any more...I don't know why but I immediately thought perhaps God was mad at me.

Braille is different than reading you know, it's more beautiful it's colorful... it's literally like a drug. I haven't heard about anyone else experiencing such a thing..... sometimes I read it so much my fingers callus.

Is this bad?

Is this my way of trying to find more light?

I am desperately confused about myself.

Rather strange things to go through I suppose?

Shiva

 So I haven't been well,

More so than usual because I caught the flu or something.

It takes me quite awhile to get over that sort of thing and on top of it there's

the seizures........

And today part of me broke inside.

I was sent an email last night to sit Shiva for someone I never knew yet effected my life.

Times are strange and unfortunate, it was through Zoom.

How do you even sit Shiva through zoom?

My Mom said she found the idea completely disrespectful and had no idea how it was going to work.

Well I guess I didn't have to worry about it, I ended up in seizure land.

I'm not sure what to do about this.

My Mom said they will probably email in a week or so about where we can send a card or letter.

I hope I can do something.

Life is ever so complex.