Shiva

 So I haven't been well,

More so than usual because I caught the flu or something.

It takes me quite awhile to get over that sort of thing and on top of it there's

the seizures........

And today part of me broke inside.

I was sent an email last night to sit Shiva for someone I never knew yet effected my life.

Times are strange and unfortunate, it was through Zoom.

How do you even sit Shiva through zoom?

My Mom said she found the idea completely disrespectful and had no idea how it was going to work.

Well I guess I didn't have to worry about it, I ended up in seizure land.

I'm not sure what to do about this.

My Mom said they will probably email in a week or so about where we can send a card or letter.

I hope I can do something.

Life is ever so complex.

I Feel Like I Am Stuck In Reverse....

 Welcome to the wild wicked world of seizures, you travel forwards but in a way it's reverse. Your friends grow up and move away, they have kids and husbands .......but you got stuck, all that traveling forward made you miss so much you didn't quite change the same way.

 I don't know what I think of it all.... but I do know that I have a headache the size of Alaska! Yeah, it's bigger than Texas.

I'll just be rolling onwards.

Mere Dreams

 

  Oh how I miss the cabin in Virginia that is no longer mine.

It was a mere dream to live there.

No phone reception, no computer and no television.

Simple ,  and thoughts are not easily interrupted.

But it was just a dream, it was fleeting.

Like my parents marriage, my ability to walk and see....and so many other things, they drifted away.

And my life is drifting.

Seizures here, seizures there, and everything is mixed up good.

This I do not enjoy.

I will hopefully wake up someday and it will be over...no more drifting.

Until then I will be rolling onwards.

Feeling Lost

 

    

  So quite a bit of my life has been spent, lost in seizure land or perhaps Never Neverland... and I wake up and realize that everything has gone onwards, I go onwards in my own way but it is definitely not the same.

  People grew up and have children now and I begin to wonder if this is how Peter Pan felt looking into Wendy's window only to find she had a daughter of her own, that Wendy grew up.

  Some of my most recent adventures are stories in my own mind as I lay upon my bed, grand adventures of discovering a zydeco music in the middle of the forest with long lost cousins and rowboating to an island where you need not speak but simply look into the eyes of those who live there and if you are strong enough you will hear their stories.

 Lands of swirling sticky bright colors like a melted lolly that twinkle like a wind chime.

Lands where I must travel to alone....I meet strangers.

I am a time traveler and I can go forwards and it's very exhausting....but I don't very much know what to do about the lands my mind brought me to.... and when I come back, this world is so dark and blurry I am really quite honestly out of sorts.